Worries.

Here we go, another post about those crazy boys again. However, this one is a little different than the last one. This one I write with a sort of fear. So, life goes on and people go on with it. Sometimes, though, people stay around. Like that boy I was talking about months ago. He's still here. I still love him. And we're finally together again. Everything is just how it should be. There's one thing that absolutely terrifies me, though. It's the fact that maybe this isn't forever. I know he's all I've ever dreamed of and more, but what happens if I'm not good enough for him? Will he just up and leave? I honestly don't think I could handle something like that. I can't imagine my life without him. He's everything to me; all I ever think about, the only person who makes me feel like I'm actually worth something, and sometimes he seems like the only one who even likes me, let alone loves me. We've talked  about the future and every time we do, it includes both of us together and married. So, that's a little comforting and all, but what happens if it falls through? I can see it clear as day, our life together. It's picture perfect. That's all I really want anymore. Is to be with him and happy. Of course, with him comes happiness. Maybe I'm thinking everything over too much. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Who knows? All I can do for now is to enjoy the present and not worry about the future and not regret the past. The only thing I know is that I love him, and that will never change.

Your Guardian Angel

So, we've all heard how it is-you meet this one person, the person who could possibly change your life and how you live it forever. You fall in love, everything's fantastic, you get married, and live happily ever after. Right? That's what all the fairytales and Disney movies lead us to believe, anyway. Soon, we all grow up and come to realize that everything we've believed in as children isn't always true. The princes don't just show up when we need them the most. They're not always going to rescue us in our darkest hour. They might get lost somewhere along the way. Princes are hard to come by these days, let alone a decent guy. There are so many guys out there-athletes, musicians, skaters, surfers, nerds, geeks, you name 'em, they make 'em. It almost seems as if there's a perfect guy for everyone. However, not all of these guys, as awesome as they may seem, are good ones. There are some who are complete jerks, others who just want one thing, and still others with hearts that have been mutilated just as much as some of ours. We might think that these guys-the jerks and the broken ones-all need fixing. That's not always true. They don't need to be fixed; they just need someone to be there. Maybe there's a legit reason they act like they do. We all have our moments where we know we're not acting as we should, but we do it anyway to get attention. Not only are we seeking attention from these boys, we're seeking love and affection, too. Most of us, okay, admit it, all of us, want to find that one perfect guy who's going to love us no matter what. So, what if we do find this one person? The one who makes us the happiest when we're with them. The one who's always on our mind, no matter what. The one we want to be with all the time. Are you thinking of someone? I am. For a long time, I stopped believing in fairytales. I never thought Prince Charming would show his face if I was around. However, I think I might have found him. We met years ago in elementary school, lost contact, but became friends again during my senior year of high school. We dated over the summer, and I really fell for him. There was a catch, though. I was unaware at the time, but his heart had been completely mutilated and destroyed by girls before me. And, although we both wanted it to work out, we ended our relationship during my second month as a college freshman. I was crushed, of course, but I quickly got over it; or so I thought. I began seeing another guy, but soon realized that he wasn't what I wanted at all. All I could think about was the guy I loved. No matter how hard I tried to force myself to stop thinking about him, he always found a way to get back into my head. Little things began reminding me of him and of what we had. He started texting me and I realized how much I really missed him. The more we talked, the more sure I became that this guy might possibly be the one. We finally got to see each other in October and I felt the same as I always had toward him. We began seeing each other more and more and the first day he kissed me again, I almost melted. Cheesy, I know, but hey, when you love someone, you know it. I recently found out, however, the reasoning behind all the madness and heartbreak. He'd been hurt a couple of times before and was afraid that the same thing would happen with me. What he didn't realize, though, is that I'm a lot different than those other two girls. I could never hurt him the way they did. He doesn't see that, though. Well, not yet, anyway. He says nobody has stuck by him, but I'm going to show him that I will, no matter what. So, now, it's my job to keep him sane and show him that there are people out there, aka me, who will be by his side and love him no matter what.

A Tissue For Your Issues

So, I decided that I really happen to like this whole blogging thing and that I'm going to continue it. I've also realized that there are a lot of people in the world and they have a lot of issues. These issues come from just about anything-school, parents, friends, and even from yourself. I know I have my own issues and that's a lot to handle; especially when some of these issues are personal problems that can't always be resolved by other people. Sometimes it seems like we're all alone with our problems and there's no way out or nobody there to help us. However, I've found that the small things shouldn't really matter. I mean, sure, at first it may seem like the end of the world, but soon you'll find that they're only speed bumps along the way. Although some things can be brushed aside, there are other things in life that make it a little more complicated and painful. People get sick, hearts get broken, you don't like what you see in the mirror, or people just aren't who you thought they were. We all start to lose faith in times like these, but when this happens, we have to remember that God will bring us through it. At times, prayer is the most powerful thing we have and sometimes, it just doesn't feel like enough. We long to help those in need, but it seems like there's nothing we can do about it. It doesn't seem like handing our problems over to God will do anything for us because we still constantly worry about everything. We're only human, and worrying is in our nature; however, with faith come answers. Maybe they're not the answers we're looking for all the time, but it's easier to cope with the answers and know that things won't change instead of fretting and worrying about any possible outcomes. Even though it doesn't always seem like a lot, prayer is sometimes the most powerful and helpful thing we can offer. After all, if He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

The Word, The Dream, and The Becoming

Two of the most amazing girls I've ever met

My parents; without them, I'd be nothing.

     So, as the first semester of my college experience comes quickly to a close, I've realized that I indeed have changed since I first came to Converse. My hometown is a very small one that hardly has anything. I mean, we have things, like buildings and such, but there's really nothing to do...well, unless you enjoy eating a lot. Nobody knows where the town of Loris is and the most exciting thing to ever happen was about five or six years ago when McDonald's was built. Yes, it's that sad. My hometown had one thing that I wouldn't trade for the world, though, and that one thing was Southside Dance Center. It was at Southside that I was first introduced to the stage and the world of performing. I've been dancing for fourteen years now, and it's really something I love. I think this is where my love of being on stage first began. After I realized that the stage is one of the places in which I feel most comfortable, I also realized that I want to spend the rest of my life performing. Everything about the stage was spellbinding to me-the music, the dancing, the costumes, the sets-absolutely everything. Although I was completely comfortable performing on stage in front of people, my confidence didn't usually show up in person. Throughout high school all I wanted was to fit in so I could make friends. Since I attended a private school, you might think that not almost everybody would drive trucks and wear camouflage. Well, you'd be wrong. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with that, however, it's really not my style. At all. Anyway, try as I might, I was always a little different than most students. I wasn't up to date on the Top 40 Hits of the week and was usually the last to hear anything. I listened to music most other students didn't care for and knew about dance and theatre. I had dreams to move to New York and become a star, not just take over the family business. Thankfully, I met a couple of friends who didn't have the whole "country" state of mind, either. One has been an amazing friend of mine since first grade and the other has been with me since about freshman year. These two girls, my family, and my church family were the ones who encouraged me and really pushed me to go for my dreams.

A bit of the wonderful insanity that occurs at college.

I'm no longer afraid to act completely insane!

     Even though I have this amazing support system, I still doubt myself sometimes. There was a time in the recent past where I didn't believe in myself. I know that confidence in yourself is the biggest key to success, but sometimes it's a really difficult situation. I felt like New York was just a dream that couldn't be reached. It seemed like such a long shot for a small-town girl to make it in such a big city. I felt like I was almost alone in my dreaming. It wasn't that I felt no one believed in me, it was just that I had almost no faith in myself. However, I soon realized that there was a place where I could be myself and could become successful. What is this place, you may ask? Converse, of course! When I first came to Converse, I wasn't really sure of what to expect. I'd heard great things about college, but still wasn't sure how to make a smooth transition from living a life in a place where I was so different than everyone else to a place where I belonged and there were people who had interests similar to mine. I realized that I didn't have to hide who I am from the people here. They are all completely accepting of other people as individuals! With this in mind, I re-gained my self-confidence and realized that Converse really is a place that will help you follow your dreams, no matter how big. With my confidence restored, I plan on continuing my intended plan of moving to New York and performing on Broadway, and nothing is going to stand in my way.

Tradition has to start somewhere!

     So, like many other schools, Converse is one with a lot of traditions. Some traditions are almost as old as Converse itself and others are rather new. Traditions are celebrations of a certain thing we all have in common. Along with being Converse students, which is celebrated during 1889 week, and pink panthers, which is celebrated during Big Sis/Little Sis week, Converse girls have another thing in common. We all suffer from stress. No matter if we're music students, biology majors, political science majors, or theatre majors, our work can sometimes get the best of us and can seem endless. In order to reduce the insane amount of stress, I think a new tradition should be established. I find music to be an excellent stress reliever, so I think a whole weekend devoted to music would be amazing. The students could compile song lists and vote on submissions. The songs chosen could be played through speakers outside on the quad. Students could stay outside for the weekend, weather permitting, and sleep under the stars. I suppose you could say it's a little like Woodstock minus the hippies! :)

"Give back my heart tonight. I'm sick of never smiling 'cause you're so uptight!"

     So, as a music student, stress is everywhere. There are projects due, songs to practice, homework, not to mention MacGamut! With so many things running through my head, the only thing that helps me calm down and regain my focus is...more music!
     One of my most favorite bands to listen to when I feel overwhelmed and completely lost is Playjerise. Their music just gives me a sense of peace and calmness that I find hard to reach with so much going on at one time. This Australian band is just totally amazing. One of my favorite songs by them is "Ocean Of Mine". It reminds me that not everything should or will come easily. Here's the acoustic version!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CKx3MCdn8k
     Another band that I use to take comfort in is Right Away, Great Captain! Like Dr. Vaneman said, we all like to wallow a bit in our sorrow and stress. Well, at least I know I do. This band's music has sort of a melancholy sound to it, but I thoroughly enjoy every bit. My favorite by this band is "Right Ahead, Young Sailor". It's short and sweet, but definitely gets the point across. If you click the link, you'll see what it sounds like...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omDQWh1iFi8&feature=related
     My final "go-to" music comes from a lovely lady by the name of Sara Bareilles. I find her music extremely wonderful and fascinating. Some of her pieces are upbeat and cheerful, while others are more serious. I think I can find a song by this amazing artist to fit almost every one of my many insane moods. Currently, my favorite of hers is a piece she wrote called "Gravity". I think this song is absolutely gorgeous. It's just...well, you just have to hear for yourself!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEXhAMtbaec&ob=av2n
     My music taste changes with the weather and my mood, so these three songs are just a few of what have been getting me through these past couple of months. On any other given day, you can catch me listening to just about anything from John Mayer to The Beatles to Vampire Weekend (yes, Dr. Vaneman, I love them, too!) I'll give just about anything a chance, so if you want me to listen to anything or have any suggestions, just let me know. There's nothing I love more than new music. :)

alcohol, alcohol everywhere and not a coke to drink

     As we get older, we're exposed to more and more things that are considered taboo when we're younger, such as drugs, language, and alcohol. There have been questions raised about a possibility of lowering the legal drinking age to eighteen. Many people believe that the drinking age should remain at twenty one, however, I think it should be lowered to eighteen. It seems to me that eighteen year olds have every right guaranteed to legal adults with the exception of drinking. Face it, at age eighteen, we're allowed to join the army, purchase cigarettes, go to clubs, play the lottery, and even get married. All of these new given freedoms come with responsibilities, just like drinking does. If we're considered responsible enough to vote for the leaders of our country and fight for our freedom, we should also be considered responsible enough to partake in drinking. Since drinking is outlawed to those under the age of twenty one, more and more teenagers are illegally possessing and drinking alcohol. Maybe, if the legal drinking age is lowered to eighteen, fewer and fewer teenagers will resort to secretly divulging in alcohol. By legally obtaining alcohol and drinking it responsibly, eighteen year olds would be experiencing the same treatment as those of legal drinking age. Because some teenagers drink illegally, they are considered irresponsible. However, many people who are of legal drinking age drink irresponsibly. This only goes to show that it doesn't depend on the age of the person, only their own self-control and responsibility.